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Bob and Missy Woese posted a condolence
Our thoughts are with you and your family. Many fond memories, Heather was a sister to us and featured strongly in our upbringings. Much love.
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Oyster Bay Funeral Home Staff posted a condolence
We would like to express our sincere condolences to your family. It has been our privilege to assist you during this very difficult time. If there is anything further we can do, we are here for you. Lou, Kristy & Staff Oyster Bay Funeral Home
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Karen Cummiskey Balaskas posted a condolence
As Heather's cousin (John's daughter), I have recent lovely memories of seeing Heather at Uncle Charles' 90th birthday party - we had a long talk about our lives and our children! I am so sorry to hear of your loss - my prayers go out to you - Elizabeth and Jamie.
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Laurie posted a condolence
Heather, I miss you greatly and thinkk about you often. You were always so honest, even if I didn't want to hear it. I hope you are looking down and watching over us.
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Ruth Krauss posted a condolence
Although we hadn’t been in touch in recent years, I cherish my memories of Heather and our friendship:
She persuaded me (her obstetrician) to give her a pass from the hospital two days after Jamie’s birth. Her bottom must have been very sore, but she took me on a motorboat ride on Lake Washington anyway.
We talked frequently by phone when she was in law school. While she led me to believe that my emotional support was critical, it was her own determination that got her through. I would have hated to face her as an opposing lawyer.
Heather was a talented equestrienne. We went on a ride in Ireland with a well-known horseman who invited her to try one of his Olympic jumpers. Heather gamely mounted the beast, who took her on a wild ride over 5+ foot jumps.
When our hosts failed to show up in Seville at the beginning of another ride, she took charge of the group and found us a luxurious place for dinner. Probably a lot more expensive than the sponsors had planned, but they had to pay for it. Circumstances on that ride deteriorated from bad to worse. She wrote a lawyerly letter to the organizers and negotiated a partial refund for everyone.
On our horse adventures Heather always found me just the right mount, often taking a less desirable one herself. She took me on a drag hunt with her Long Island hunt club, borrowed a friend’s hunt jacket for me, and lent me her best horse. Heather rode a green horse who was quite a handful. Of course, I was the one who fell off!
Heather was a risk-taker, smart, opinionated, and generous to a fault. She was devoted to her children and to her friends. Her sense of humor was frequently sarcastic and always clever. She appeared to be tough but those of us who were privileged to know her well knew better. She once told me that her unattainable aim was to be a saint in the religious sense. Be with the saints, Heather. I remember you with great fondness and regret that we won’t get to reminisce together when we are truly old.
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connie posted a condolence
Heather's smile revealed a generous heart and great sense of humor. Sometimes her determination cloaked her tenderness. She loved her children and her friends more than we will know.
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Angela Scaperotta posted a condolence
Heather my friend and confidant. I will cherish our talks and the things we did together. You had so much to give and a kind heart always.
Tough as you were Ilaugh when I think of some of our conversations and how I would see the tough girl attitude disappear. Your grandchildren were the light of your life.I will miss you.
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Cheryl Gingrich posted a condolence
Heather, you used to find it hard to understand how I could always find a silver lining, somehow something good came out of difficulties. I'm trying really hard right now, but I can't find my silver lining. I miss you terribly, Thank you for all the love you brought to my life. All my love, Cheryl
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Jane & Mike posted a condolence
Loved our dollarless weekend in S. Hampton with corn & tomatoes. Sheila and I still laugh about being locked out in the blizzard while you left for church with the keys.
Will always remember your weak bladder and our sudden stop on the expressway for relief.
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Michael Thelwell posted a condolence
One of the most remarkable persons i have ever had the pleasure of meeting,working with ,traveling with and truly being friends with. I have been out of touch but never out of mind.I will always cherish the time spent with her and her family.
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Jim (Jamie) Kirk posted a condolence
Thank you everyone for the respect, reverence and continued thoughts of admiration for my mother. I’ve been advised by the Oyster Bay Funeral Home that this “electronic memorial” will be here indefinitely so I would encourage everyone to write a message and to visit back in the future when reflecting upon the memories with my mother. I have already been deeply touched by the kind words of others and I am absolutely sure she would have been happy as well.
In the last ten years she faced coronary by-pass surgery, breast cancer, and in September 2008 suffered extensive bleeding in the brain. This bleeding probably would have killed anyone else but not my mother. She was told that she had a 50% chance of this re-occurring and killing her without brain surgery. The brain surgery offered to correct the bleeding was sure to cause neurological loss and she choose to live in control of her superb mind, but that she might at any moment suffer a fatal stroke. Although she was making strong progress in physical therapy, three months later she again suffered overwhelming bleeding in the brain. She dodged so many bullets but this one would be the one that ended her life. So many of her friends came to visit her in the hospital where for two days we watched as her body shut down. Her higher brain function was gone and only the physical body was left to finish what had already started. The doctors and nurses told us over and over that she was not feeling any pain and she had a steady drip of morphine if by some chance there was any pain. She had extensive and explicit written instructions on restricting every life saving measure that could keep her alive in this specific situation. It was her biggest fear to be kept alive with no higher brain function.
“…I direct that my family, all physicians, hospitals and other health care providers and any court or judge honor my decision that my life not be artificially extended by mechanical means and that if there is any doubt as to whether or not life sustaining treatment is to be administered to me after I have sustained substantial and irreversible loss of mental capacity such doubt is to be in favor of withholding or withdrawing such treatment…”
“…I do not fear death itself as much as the indignities of deterioration, dependence, and hopeless pain. I therefore, ask that medication be mercifully administered to me to alleviate suffering though this may hasten the moment of death…”
When there was no hope of recovery she just wanted to be free of pain and allowed to go in peace. Her wishes were honored and several of her friends have asked for the exact medical instructions so that they too could implement similar instructions for their families. She had a choice to live on her knees or die on her feet and she chose to die on her feet under her conditions.
I am so grateful for the wisdom my mother shared with me and so sad at not only losing my mother, but also losing a valuable library of information for which there is no replacement. She coupled a razor wit with an “unsinkable will” of determination and hard work to accomplish whatever she pursued while at the same time always helping others, even if she didn’t know them. I am comforted by the thought that these attributes will live on in me, my family and all the wonderful people she touched with her life. Thank you all.
Jim (Jamie) Kirk
Email: Kirkmails@gmail.com
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Ana posted a condolence
You will be miss by all of us
especially me(Mom )
You told me that is nothing out there that you can not do and i always remenber that.
Thanks a lot for the great times and all your help.You will be in my heart and thoughts always.
I guess i wont' clean up your basement now,ha
Love you
Ana
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Manuel & Ada Harrison posted a condolence
Will always be remembered by us for being the good person
she was, and for raising two
children on her own who grew up being successful in life thanks to her love and dedication.
May God received her in His
arms and may she rest in peace
always.
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Kristina Heuser posted a condolence
Heather was tough on me from the very first time we met, but as I grew to know her I came to know what a truly caring person she was and how committed to her friends she was. She was tough on me because she saw something in me, because she believed in me and that I could be something better. And I love her for that. She was my mentor and my friend and I will miss her so much. I wish I would have her to guide me through the rest of my life, and that my daughters could know her and benefit from her wisdom. Heather, I hope you found the peace you longed for and I promise to pass the bar exam this time around in your honor and not to try my best make anymore foolish mistakes. Thank you for all your love and devotion! I love you now and forever.
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Zvia Gutman posted a condolence
We had great times Celbrating holidays together. Going on great vacations together.
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Sharon Ferguson posted a condolence
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
I knew Heather back in the days when she was Kitty. We first became friends in high school in Washington, D.C. and continued our friendship all through college. Kitty instantly became my friend when she came to our high school. I loved many things about her, but especially her uniqueness. She wasn't like anyone I had ever met. She was so smart, she knew who she was, what she wanted, and nothing would deter her from her dreams. She was a TRUE friend, she had my back and I knew it. We had so many fun experiences during those years. She had me in stitches so many times, laughing so hard. She was full of ideas, high, lofty ideas and ideals, and also a few ideas for pranks every now and then! We caught up again in later years, when she lived in Urbana IL when Stuart was a precious little girl and Jamie was just a baby. I visited them for a few weeks then, and was thrilled to sleep in the little room with Jamie who of course was in a crib. Later on, Kitty and her family came down to my family's home in Florida for a fun vacation. What a drive we all had on the way to Florida! Her sense of humor kept us laughing most of the trip. More recently, one day, out of the blue, I searched for her and found her in N.Y. and called her up - just to chat after so many years! It was as if no time had passed at all, we just picked up where we had left off years before. That is the kind of loyal friend she was. We talked for hours and again, the great storyteller that she was, she had me laughing hysterically with a story about an occurrence that had happened when a mutual nun friend had died and the other nuns thought that Kitty was going to steal her away in her casket! Kitty, or Heather, as I remember when she changed her name and she really loved Heather, was a loving, caring person, and I am so sorry and saddened to hear about her suffering and her death. My love and condolences to Stuart and Jamie especially. You were blessed to have a GREAT mother! And I thank God for having a wonderful friend, only being in touch off and on as we were on different paths through the years, but always the same true friend. Rest in peace, dear friend. God Bless You. Lots of love.
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